Cut yourself some slack. You are doing your very best. I can see that you are trying. I know some days may be a lot harder than others, and some may be easy and give you that bit of false hope that things will never be difficult again, only to come spit in your face twenty-four hours after with the realisation that you are still suffering from that terrible mental illness. But that’s okay, keep continuing to take each day as it comes and let the rest follow. So what if you didn’t cry at all the last week and then broke your streak today? Let yourself cry. It’s not a weakness. It shows that you’re human. It shows that you have feelings. Being vulnerable is okay. Just know where to draw the line. If you need one day off to pamper yourself then go ahead and take that day off. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Switch your phone off. Read a book. Listen to some music. Go for a walk. Do whatever you can that you know will lift up your spirits. But I’m telling you, when all those tears have dried, when the hands stop trembling, when the heart stops pounding, you need to keep moving forward. Don’t let your mental illness take advantage of your strength. Because let me tell you, the moment our mind starts to see that we’re coping on our own, is the same very moment where it tries to convince you otherwise the most. When you start to feel better, get back up and keep going. Giving in to your bed, or to bad eating habits, or to sulking, or to playing the same sad songs over and over again, can only make matters worse for you. Eventually the tears will stop, they always do! But you need to be prepared for that moment. The point I’m trying to make here, is that some days we just need some time away doing our standard rituals that help pick ourselves back up. Some days we need to allow ourselves to feel the overwhelming emotions of suffering a mental disorder. After all, isn’t that the whole point of self-care? Acknowledging what is happening around you but not giving in to the irrationality or fear? Let yourself feel, but as soon as that moment of feeling is over, you need to get back up and keep fighting. Dear me, I wish you could see yourself from the eyes of someone who truly loves you. They hate seeing you suffering. Look into the mirror and dig deeper than what’s just on the surface. Look through your eyes, you will eventually see your own reflection, keep looking, you will find a way inside your soul. You will find that person inside you that is still holding onto a fight. So as I said, if you need to cry, cry, nothing is as easy as they say it is, but at the same time, do not feel sorry for yourself. You are not a victim. Instead, be proud of yourself. Because you are a fighter. And every day you are one step closer to victory.
Dear me, I hope you can find some validation in this letter I write to you myself. I hope you can read this on various occasions and understand that while you may not be battling this fight alone, you still need to be reliant on yourself to get through things.
Dear me, just never forget how strong you are.
You will get through this, I promise.