Dear broken hearted…

Dear broken hearted,

If you’re one of the lucky ones in life, you will find your soulmate in one go, and you will never experience the excruciating pain of heartbreak. Sure, it has it’s benefits. Who wants to experience the pain of a break up? Who wants to lose the person they thought they would spend the rest of their life with? But at the same time, experiencing multiple relationships can actually have quite a lot of benefits.

When you break up with somebody you care a lot about, whether it was your choice, they did something to hurt you, or it just didn’t work out, the change is always scary. After all, you go from having a second half, to being a whole again. That doesn’t sound so bad though does it? Because people who are experiencing heart ache believe that there is only one half left of them when they lose their second half. This is incorrect. And you will find that when you do find the right person for you, you will not have to sacrifice any of your own qualities to allow your heart to love again. When the right person comes along, you will realise that one does not need to be dependent on their partner to be in love. You are two whole people, coming together to form one. If that doesn’t work out, you become whole again, on your own.

The most difficult thing about a break up, especially if it was done due to one party hurting the other – meaning it was not a mutual decision – is accepting the fact that the person you thought you loved, didn’t love you enough to want to work things out, or didn’t love you enough to not cheat on you, or emotionally abuse you. You will beat yourself about it. You will blame yourself. But what you need to realise is that this is on them, not on you. Everyone believes that when you have your heartbroken you will never love again. That is true. You will never love again, because this was not love. You will love. You will love someone for who they truly are and they will love you in just the same way. I understand it’s hard to see at first, but believe me it comes with time.

We are grown up believing in this ‘unconditional love’ that we are apparently meant to find. This is why so many relationships end in heartache. Unconditional love is not healthy. It should not exist. Why should love not have conditions? Why should you accept somebody’s willingness to continuously hurt you just because you ‘love them unconditionally’. Remember to love, but remember to have certain expectations too, because once you have your heart broken it is incredibly difficult to ever imagine yourself feeling again.

When that time does come though, you need not to be angry, but to be accepting of the circumstances life has brought you. Be at peace within yourself, in knowing that the quicker you got rid of the person you were not meant to be with, the quicker you will find the one you are meant to be with. When we are trapped in bad relationships we truly believe in our minds that there is no one else right for us. Trust me, over time you will realise that you need to work on yourself, your own flaws, and figure out what worked and what didn’t work in your relationship, so you can then meet the right person for you. You will start to have standards and you will soon learn your own self worth.

Date. And I don’t mean to start sleeping around with randoms (unless that’s your thing then totally no judgement) but meet people, start to combine a list of things you prefer and things you don’t like so much. This will prevent you from wasting time on people who don’t fit your criteria. Remember, standards are good. Don’t ever settle for anything less than you deserve. The most important thing though, is that you keep yourself busy, and you surround yourself with people who love you. Eat. Shower. Make sure you’re looking and feeling your best. Break ups have the tendency to ruin your life, but it’s really not worth it in the long run. Is this terrible person who broke your heart worth the detriment you’re doing to your body by not eating? Or by overeating? Or by crying on a regular basis? Absolutely not.

You need to remember that you are worth so much more than one person’s inability to see your true self. When that new person comes along to sweep you off your feet, you will realise that while you thought your whole world was crashing down, it was only just beginning.

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