*I am starting this post with a trigger warning because I am going to go into deep discussion about suicide and I aim to shine some light on your situation but of course I can never be sure depending on each person’s case. So please, read carefully if you can, or if you feel like you can’t give it a miss*
Dear suicidal person,
I am writing this after I have just spent the day at a funeral of a person who took their own life. Amongst all the discussion with guests about why they did it, I discovered the sad reality of the situation – no one will ever know. You could spend hours analysing what a person was thinking in the devastating moment that they took their own life, you can spend hours talking about how much they had going for them and why they would do such a thing, but the truth is, that when a person is in that state of mind, they honestly cannot see all the good things that are going on around them. How can you see the light if the darkness is so strong? Or how can that glimmer of light give someone an inch of hope if they are predominantly consumed by that dark energy? It is a question that I guarantee this family will be thinking about for the rest of their lives. When you lose a loved one to suicide, it is easy to fall into the trap of self-blame. Why didn’t I do something to stop it? But, the answer lies within the person. No matter how much love and support a person has around them, when they are not mentally functioning appropriately they will fail to see that love and support. So that is why I have addressed this letter to a person who is feeling suicidal at the moment. Because as I said, the solution lies within you.
Being at the funeral today was a struggle for me, as I too, have had questionable thoughts in the past. And I couldn’t help but wonder how far I would have gone if I didn’t hold onto my faith, or if I didn’t get the help I needed when I recognised my suffering during the early stages. And even though I never got to the point of plotting my own death, or contemplating ways to do it, I could empathise with the fallen knowing well and truly how quickly we can be consumed by the voices in our heads that tell us our life is no longer worth living. It is a difficult battle that we struggle with every single day of our lives, but I want to remind you, person who is reading this and is feeling suicidal, ask yourself why. Somewhere, deep within you, behind all these feelings of despair, there is a part of you that is still holding on. You have come so far, and that tiny part is still fighting every single day. Yet, when a person makes that decision to take their own life, that tiny part is tired. It gives up. It is vital that rather than focusing on all the ways this can end, focus on all the ways you can encourage that tiny part to keep holding on. They say “suicide doesn’t end the pain … it only passes it onto someone else” and if this isn’t the truth then I don’t know what is. No matter how bad your life is, there is always at least one person in the world who loves you. Leaving this world will mean absolutely ruining that one person’s life. It will mean leaving them to spend the rest of their life wondering where they went wrong or what they could have done to prevent it. No note will ever be able to answer their endless amounts of questions. No happy memories will ever suffice as a replacement to the pain of losing you. If you’re feeling suicidal, I want you to talk to someone. Even if it means using the last bit of energy you have to say those five powerful words “I want to kill myself” to either a professional, or a loved one, promise yourself that you will. You owe yourself at least that. If you’re planning to take your own life, and there’s one last thing you need to do, let it be to tell someone. Because I guarantee, in that state of mind of hopelessness, know that if you find the courage to speak up, you will live to see another day. Nobody takes suicidal threats as a joke. Somebody will be out there to help you. You can find a list of helplines for your country here, if you’re feeling like you won’t make it through the night, don’t give up to your mind. Don’t let your body fall into the evil trap. Fight through and tell someone.
I cannot describe to you the heartbreak that comes with suicide. There is nothing worse than knowing somebody who had so much to live for, decided that it wasn’t enough. It will leave a hole in a loved ones heart. It will leave an emptiness in their lives that will never be repaired. In those moments where everything becomes a bit much, walk outside and look at the sky. Pay attention to the intricate details of the clouds. The way the yellow sun reflects through and shines against your eyes. The way the wind softly blows on the green trees, and how the flowers seem to grow as each day passes. Listen to the sound of the rain, and find comfort in knowing that no matter how bad the storm gets, eventually it will stop, and it will be followed by a rainbow full of a beautiful mixture of colours from red and orange to purple and green. Look at the blueness of the sky, and how it reflects against the water in the sea to create an extraordinary colour. Because the world is bright. The world is full of colour. And no matter how dark your world may be, step outside and notice that everything around you is full of colour. The sky will always be blue. The grass will always be green. The sun will always be yellow and the moon will always glow. Let the colour of nature seep through the empty holes in your mind and fill your soul with joy and happiness. And most importantly, constantly remind yourself that while that tiny part of you at the moment is incredibly tired of fighting, eventually it will all be worth the fight.