Dear mother…

Dear mother,

I am one of the lucky ones who has been raised in a loving household. I often see people posting that their relationships with their mothers is appalling, or disconnected, or just plain toxic, and I always wondered how. The reason for that is because I often put myself in the position of the victim and thought of my own relationship with my mum, and how incredible it has been from the moment I was born. My mother and I share a birthday, so you could say we were destined since the womb to be this close. Not only do we share the same character traits, but we also share the same hobbies and interests, making our hanging out sessions a lot easier to sustain. Growing up, I knew I could tell you absolutely everything, whether it was about my friends, my crushes, or my typical teenage issues. Everyone thought we would grow apart as I grew older, but no – we only grew closer and closer. You taught me about my faith, you told me your life story, you gave me lessons that I knew I would treasure forever, and most importantly, you believed in me. You believed in my ability to write, my creativity, my capability of achieving good grades in school, absolutely everything. But the main thing you taught me every single day was how to be happy. 

So, you can only imagine how difficult it was when I realised I was depressed. After all, what reason did I have to be depressed? What excuse did I have for feeling so low? Everything around me was incredible! I was raised in such a wonderful way, and I knew you always told me to appreciate the small things in life and always wake up with a smile. Being so close with you all these years, I knew I could tell you everything. But when I started to feel this sickness, it was the one thing I couldn’t find myself sharing. I feared that you would think you failed. I worried that you would blame yourself for doing something wrong. I was scared that I would inflict fear on you that I would one day harm myself. I wanted to tell you, but my intrusive thoughts were giving me all the reasons not to. When things got too difficult to handle – I took the plunge.

To no surprise and as a prime example of a mother’s true love for her child, you were there for me like nobody else. You did not judge me. You did not worry – or at least you didn’t show me that you did – because you knew I was strong and you knew that God gave me the strength to overcome any battle that came my way. I saw you sympathised for me. But you didn’t want to weaken me. You only constantly assured me of my strength and repeatedly told me that everything was going to be okay. I just want to say how lucky I am to have you mum, because I really do not know who I would be without you. Every moment of relapse you have been there to guide me, even though I can see the pain in your own eyes of watching me go through my struggles. You have held my hand through the difficult times and have stroked away my tears. I just have no idea what I would do without you mum. I can only wish that every child gets to experience a healthy mother/daughter relationship at least once in their life, but I understand it’s not always possible. That is why I write this letter to you to show you my gratitude for being such a loving and caring mother.

I love you always,

Your daughter.

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